Geek House Creations

Buying Parts or "I Try To Explain Steampunk To the Home Depot Guy"

Last week I found myself in the plumbing section of my local Home Depot looking for parts for my Steampunk USBs. I’ve got a bare flash drive in my hand, and I’m inserting it into all types of copper pipe sections. I throw a section back, pick up another, try a cap, a splitter, try putting a coupling on there, all with various levels of success. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch the Home Depot guy eyeing me as he’s putting stuff back across the aisle. 

“Can I help you with something?” He asks.

“No, I’m good.” I nod politely avoiding eye contact, not really wanting to have to explain. Home Depot Guy goes away, and I continue my mixing and matching of copper tubes. I insert the flash drive into every pipe end, eliminating the ones that are too small or big. I brainstorm so much right there in the aisle that I lose track and have to start over. 

Home Depot Guy comes around the corner again. He’s been watching from the next aisle in a weird mixture of frustration and fascination. 

“Whatcha trying to do?” He’s an older guy, gray hair, thick glasses, looks like a retired cop.

“Well, I want to get this piece to go into this piece.” I try to sound casual.

“Why you trying to do that? I mean where’s the rest of the pipe? Under a sink?”

Cornered, I begin to explain. 

“No, there is no pipe.” Holding up the flash drive, “I’m trying to get this flash drive in this pipe.”

“Why you trying to do that for?!” I might have well have told him that I wanted to stick a tuna fish sandwich in there. “Oh my God, what happened to your flashdrive!” Now he sounds genuinely concerned. 

I try to explain, “I’m trying to get this flash drive into this pipe so I can make it look old, like something from another time.”

“Whatcha trying to do that for?!” Poor man. 

Here’s where I commit to my cause. I get that to some people, perhaps a lot of people, there’s a weird element to what I’m doing. I mean, what kind of a grown man buys a perfectly good 16Gig USB drive protected in its own plastic case—a miracle of modern engineering—and takes it apart to put into a copper pipe. I try to explain.

“I want to make look old, like something out of the 1870’s or so. It’s called Steampunk.” I explain to Home Depot Guy. He furrows his brow but he’s listening. I go further. “Imagine if the world had stopped in the 19^th century and Steam was the primary source of power. Imagine all our machines run on Steam and primitive electricity. Jules Verne, H.G. Wells? All that kind stuff.”

He starts nodding. “And people are into this stuff? Why would anyone want a weird looking thing like that?”

“Well, why do people want anything that’s different? Why do we want that car or shirt instead of this one? Fashion, style, novelty. Something to show some originality, right?” 

Home Depot Guy nods some more, breathes out and then a miracle happens. He walks a few steps over to some copper couplings and starts suggesting ways to link them up. He starts telling me about how he made robot suits out of PVC pipe for him and his wife’s Halloween party a few years back. Home Depot Guy is now fully animated as he tells me about the joints he used, the duct tape elbows, and how well they worked. He even begins giving me ideas for my flash drive. 

A few minutes more and I’m all set up with all the parts I need. Home Depot Guy and I part company, and I promise to go back and show him the finished USB. He says he’d like that.

As he walks away, he turns. “People really like that stuff? Crazy world, huh?”

I smile back, “Thank God, right?”