Buying Parts or "I Try To Explain Steampunk To the Home Depot Guy"
Last week I found myself in the plumbing section of my local
Home Depot looking for parts for my Steampunk USBs. I’ve got a bare flash drive
in my hand, and I’m inserting it into all types of copper pipe sections. I
throw a section back, pick up another, try a cap, a splitter, try putting a coupling
on there, all with various levels of success. Out of the corner of my eye, I
catch the Home Depot guy eyeing me as he’s putting stuff back across the aisle.
“Can I help you with something?” He asks.
“No, I’m good.” I nod politely avoiding eye contact, not
really wanting to have to explain. Home Depot Guy goes away, and I continue my
mixing and matching of copper tubes. I insert the flash drive into every pipe
end, eliminating the ones that are too small or big. I brainstorm so much right
there in the aisle that I lose track and have to start over.
Home Depot Guy comes around the corner again. He’s been
watching from the next aisle in a weird mixture of frustration and fascination.
“Whatcha trying to do?” He’s an older guy, gray hair, thick
glasses, looks like a retired cop.
“Well, I want to get this piece to go into this piece.” I
try to sound casual.
“Why you trying to do that? I mean where’s the rest of the
pipe? Under a sink?”
Cornered, I begin to explain.
“No, there is no pipe.” Holding up the flash drive, “I’m
trying to get this flash drive in this pipe.”
“Why you trying to do that for?!” I might have well have
told him that I wanted to stick a tuna fish sandwich in there. “Oh my God, what
happened to your flashdrive!” Now he sounds genuinely concerned.
I try to explain, “I’m trying to get this flash drive into
this pipe so I can make it look old, like something from another time.”
“Whatcha trying to do that for?!” Poor man.
Here’s where I commit to my cause. I get that to some
people, perhaps a lot of people, there’s a weird element to what I’m doing. I
mean, what kind of a grown man buys a perfectly good 16Gig USB drive protected
in its own plastic case—a miracle of modern engineering—and takes it apart to
put into a copper pipe. I try to explain.
“I want to make look old, like something out of the 1870’s
or so. It’s called Steampunk.” I explain to Home Depot Guy. He furrows his brow
but he’s listening. I go further. “Imagine if the world had stopped in the 19th
century and Steam was the primary source of power. Imagine all our machines run
on Steam and primitive electricity. Jules Verne, H.G. Wells? All that kind
stuff.”
He starts nodding. “And people are into this stuff? Why
would anyone want a weird looking thing like that?”
“Well, why do people want anything that’s different? Why do
we want that car or shirt instead of this one? Fashion, style, novelty.
Something to show some originality, right?”
Home Depot Guy nods some more, breathes out and then a
miracle happens. He walks a few steps over to some copper couplings and starts
suggesting ways to link them up. He starts telling me about how he made robot
suits out of PVC pipe for him and his wife’s Halloween party a few years back.
Home Depot Guy is now fully animated as he tells me about the joints he used,
the duct tape elbows, and how well they worked. He even begins giving me ideas
for my flash drive.
A few minutes more and I’m all set up with all the parts I
need. Home Depot Guy and I part company, and I promise to go back and show him
the finished USB. He says he’d like that.
As he walks away, he turns. “People really like that stuff?
Crazy world, huh?”
I smile back, “Thank God, right?”